I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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