One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
