So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
