We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
