party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
