there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
