My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
