Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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