You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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