what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
