Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize