watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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