I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
