just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize