I hate all girls vehemently.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
