yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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