Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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