So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize