Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
