batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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