My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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