rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize