Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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