Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
