How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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