Ambien. No doubt about it.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
