im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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