woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
