forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
