I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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