Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
my liver is dry heaving
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
