fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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