all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
