Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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