He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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