haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
