DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
