First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
