I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
