Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
