I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize