so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
