i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
