I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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