dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
