The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
