She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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