They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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