I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
