Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
