....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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