when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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