Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize