party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
