based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
