I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
cat food counts as protein by the way
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
