Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize