This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
