i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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