Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
