oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
