Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
