That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
