i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
