Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
