come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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