Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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