I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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