so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
