I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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