SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
pray to the hookup gods
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
