So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
