That's when you crack a 10am beer
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
