guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
