Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
id be glad to
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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