I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
