you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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